Gaston's Observations: The Wicked Little Boy
by Luna Raven 1908
Summary: The dark side of Animal Crossing... some humans should not be allowed to move in.


Gaston's Observations: The Wicked Little Boy

There was once a couple in a loveless marriage, and they had a son. He was a very wicked little boy, and his parents hated him. The wicked little boy would scoop his boom-boom out of his diaper and throw it on the walls of the powder blue nursery. He grew uglier with each day, and his dad left for better things; even daddy hated the wicked little boy.

Now the wicked little boy's mom had a new friend. He set the friend on fire because he was a very wicked little boy. He did all this as a toddler… a very wicked little toddler who impaled his My Buddy doll with every kitchen knife he could find, then covered it in red paint. The very wicked little boy grew into a very wicked teenager.

He was a wicked boy lusting after the neighbor's dog, but he lost his virginity on the bedroom floor, to the bedroom floor. His mother walked in on him and locked him in the toolshed because he was a very wicked boy. In the toolshed he found his massacred toys and his mom's burnt up friend. What a wicked boy he was!

When he got out of the toolshed, he saw that dog's hot little ass and went for it. Assuming the position… caught in the act…

The dog's owner, an old man, told him that he was a wicked little boy and that he would be chased by little vampire monsters for the rest of his days. He never saw that bitch again. But he was chased by little vampire monsters, taunted by kids, and cheated on by his girlfriends, all because he was a very wicked little boy.

His mother hated him so much, that when he set fire again, this time to the whole house, she sent him to his room and took her good-ole-sweet-ass time before calling the fire department, because he was a wicked little boy.

Absolutely no regrets.

Wouldn't you know it? The wicked little boy survived the fire! Damn you, Homeboy!

So now the mother was convinced that he was a demon spawn. But who exactly was the father? It couldn't have been her ex-husband, so who? She soon disowned her evil son because he was a wicked little boy. He went to his alleged dad, who had a new faithful wife and another child. He begged for a place to stay, but the vampire monsters followed, because he was a wicked little boy.

He burned his sister's dolls in a satanic sacrifice, took her Cabbage Patch Kid's underwear to school for show and tell, and raped her friend's dog to death and beyond. What a wicked big brother he was.

But his kid sister could be even badder. She destroyed all of his shit- tangled up his cassette tapes, wrote on his beloved baseball cards, dumped red paint all over his clothes, all because he was a wicked little boy. She even hit him so hard that he bled. Dear ol' dad did nothing but laugh because his son was a wicked little boy.

A wicked little boy with a bad pyro complex, who peed on the floor and was proud of it. A wicked little boy who looked up a pre-school girl's dress with a photo of Samantha Fox pin-up stuffed down his pants. A wicked little boy who lusted after the family cat. A wicked little boy who stole for lighter money.

Absolutely fucking evil.

He was so wicked that he was forced to eat Gerber prunes out of a big jar, punishment for scrounging food out of the garbage can and eating it. Needless to say, he had no girlfriends during this time because his sister told everyone about his appetite for compost material and baby food, not to mention he was a very wicked little boy, who was serenaded by the neighborhood kids with "Homeboy peed the floor! Homeboy peed the floor! He didn't know what else to do, so Homeboy peed the floor!"

The wicked little boy refused to bathe, and his father and step-mother could takes no more so they kicked his wicked ugly toothpick ass out. Naturally, the vampire monsters followed. He had no time for a shower before being thrown out like the trash he so loved to eat, because he was a wicked little boy.

Oh, wait! He did burn up in his mom's house! Big bro's gone, and daddy's still here. Everyone's happy!

Absolutely wishful thinking.

The wicked little boy still lives. I hear he has a steady girlfriend. Yeah, he gave his mangled My Buddy doll a vagina. The wedding would have been next month, but he was caught with his hand. So now the poor wicked little boy has to choose between his hand or his Buddy.

Absolutely disgusting.

Oh yeah, and one more thing: FUCK YOU, HOMEBOY… I mean JUNIOR! YOU FUCKING SUCK! Mon chou.

End of Gaston's observations… for now.

(Originally written in 2005)


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